Anxiety, It's More Than You Think

College. I have been away from home for a year and a half. And, sorry mom and dad, but I absolutely love it. I have met many incredible people, experienced more than I could imagine, and have learned so much more about myself.

Writing this, I’m taking a second to reflect on first semester, freshman me. Wow, yeah, I’m seeing a lot of growth. Not settling for things in life, becoming my own person, and being happy with who I am. Things have also come to light that I never wanted to face. And that is what I want to talk about today.

Anxiety. Defined as “a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome.” About 40 million people in the United States experience an anxiety disorder in any given year. That is about 18% of the nation. To put it in another perspective, 8% of teens experience an anxiety disorder with most developing symptoms before 21.

As I continue to do some research to find more facts, I stop. Are the facts good to know? Yes. Are people going to remember the facts? Probably not. Are people looking to be real? YES. So lets be real.

I ask myself, “How many people experience anxiety?” Then, “How many people are actually diagnosed?” THEN, “How do people cope? Do they talk to a peer? Do they just help themselves?”

How do I find these answers? Well, how about I just ask my readers. I posted a few polls and found that many experience anxiety, with less than half actually diagnosed. To shock me even more, ⅔ of my voters actually go to talk to a peer while or after feeling anxious.

As you read this, focus on you. Make the world disappear around you. Now…

Release the tension in your ankles. Go ahead and stretch your legs out. Let them just lay. Who cares what it looks like. Breathe in. Breathe out.

Relax your core. Just be. Now, let go of the tension in your shoulders. Focus, make sure you let it all go. Unclench your jaw. Relax your face.

Breathe in. breathe out.

You are relaxed. Just be for a minute. Don’t think about all the homework you have to do. Don’t think about making your plans for the weekend. Don’t think about the drama that is stirring on the outside. Don’t even think about what you are having for dinner tonight. Just be.

Think about how good life is. Like… c’mon. Life is so good.

So, anxiety. It’s “a meteor shower of what-ifs,” writes Max Lucado in Anxious for Nothing. “For nothing,” interesting.

Here’s what I think anxiety is…

To start, it is not just the physical things associated with it. Yes, these things are real, but it is not just the panic attacks. It’s not just the literal shaking, nausea, aches, and chest pain. It’s also the hiding behind our phones. Comparing ourselves to others, especially through social media. It’s asking what outfit looks better, fixing your hair 10 times before you walk outside. It’s thinking your grades define your worth, thinking you have to have name brand clothing to be liked.

We live most of our lives in our heads. We live in our thoughts which focuses all of our anxiety on the inside. It causes your brain to not stop thinking, making up scenarios that are not true. Then, of course, beginning to overthink everything. Just because you think it, doesn’t mean it is true.

Anxiety is feeling great one day, and sluggish the next. It’s pushing yourself to the breaking point. Not wanting to ask others for help when you know you need it. It’s believing everyone finds you annoying even though there is no reason for them to. It’s having the fear of making decisions because you don’t want to make the wrong one.

The list goes on and on. The moral of the story is anxiety is everywhere, in all shapes and sizes.

A year and half of figuring out “anxiety” and I’ve only come up with a few things. One, you can’t beat yourself up for not knowing what was best in the past. Mistakes are needed for you to learn. Two, stay away from people who think you are arguing every time you express yourself. This includes the people who make you feel like you are too hard to love. These people just can’t give you what you deserve. Third, you are allowed to be sad after making the right decision. Just because that happens, doesn’t mean you made the wrong one. Stick to what you believe in. No matter what happens, the best closure sometimes is knowing that you tried your best. Fourth, the worst thing you can do is disconnect from yourself just to connect with others. You will dig yourself in a hole. You will become someone you aren’t. Do not disconnect yourself.

So, how to help? Be there for your people. Do not expect people to simply “snap out of it.” It can be hard to pinpoint feelings and you can’t always explain how you are feeling no matter how hard you try. You must be patient with yourself and your peers.

“Figuring it out” is a part of the journey. Don’t feel like you have to have everything sorted out. Productivity does not equal worth. It’s ok to take a break. It’s necessary. Don’t push yourself to your breaking point. Life is way too good. Being alive is way too good to be stressed and anxious.

I want to leave you with reminders. Lucado writes, “Anxiety and fear are cousins but not twins. Fear sees a threat. Anxiety imagines one.” Identify when you are living in your head. Notice when you are lying to yourself. The scenarios you are creating and continuing to relive are fake. Get out of your head.

Second, YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Now you’re thinking, “Everyone says that, it doesn’t mean it’s true.” FALSE. Trust me, people are really good at hiding their anxiety. I mean, c’mon, you are probably one of them. Anxiety is everywhere, in all different forms. You never know how someone is feeling. So, be kind to all. Do not be the person who acts and says things for their own benefit. You don’t know what is happening behind the scenes. Become the person that is trusted. Be the shoulder, the helping hand, the kind eyes, the listening ear.

Anxiety sucks, but nothing you can’t overcome. Find your person. Find your listening ear. Stay out of your head. Do not disconnect. You aren’t alone.

Stay golden,

M