40 Game Days

Apr 21, 2023
5 min read

If you haven’t heard, it is Lent. Lent is no meat, fasting, maybe giving something up or adding something to your routine. To the outside, that does not sound fun. But isn’t Lent also Ash Wednesday, Easter, and a cleansing of mind, body and spirit? This is what I have been reflecting on for the last few days.

If you decide to continue reading, you might realize this episode is a little different. You aren’t wrong. I’m writing this a little more like a journal because I think, I hope, my reflection can relate to you in one way or another. So, welcome to my journal.

Sunday:

Happy Sunday! Fr. Ryan celebrated mass today and had a homily that struck me to the core. He had three pointers for Lent. One, for God. Take five minutes before you fall asleep to do a quick examination of your day. Where did you see God the most? Where did you see God the least? Maybe as you reflect on your day, you will begin to see God where you did not think you did. Your examination could lead to so much. You will start to see God in the little things. Two, for others. We all have people we do not get to see everyday or people we have grown away from. Give them a call, send them a text. Let them know you are thinking of them! Third, for you. Challenge yourself.

I’m just going to let you think about that one.

Monday:

It is time for confession. How am I feeling? I’m a nervous wreck. It has been a good while since my last time in the confessional. I decided to get to the Abbey early to try and calm my nerves. If I’m being honest, I don’t remember walking into the Abbey. I don’t remember getting out of my chair, walking out of Elizabeth Hall, walking up the hill by Haverty, none of it. All I remember was sitting down in the pew, opening up my laptop, and doing some writing. When I calmed down my nerves, as much as I could, I began my examination of conscience, diving into prayer. Making sure I was being completely vulnerable with myself and Christ.

45 minutes later, one of my accountability partners sits down next to me. We sit in silence, reflecting. I could sense JJ was nervous as he was reading over an examination of conscience book and I never like when I can sense others anxiety. So, I prayed a quick prayer asking God to calm each of our hearts. As we begin to head downstairs to wait in line, my heart starts racing. Again. My knee starts to bop, I don’t want to stand still, I feel like this line goes on forever. Then, JJ hands me this prayer that was in his examination of conscience book. It was titled, “Prayer Before Confession.” How blunt. But how restful. Reading this prayer, still fifth in line, brought a restful heart. A peaceful mind. An excited soul. And a big thank you to JJ.

I walked out of the confessional smiling. The sacrament of reconciliation never ceases to amaze me. Relief, peace, all the emotions I should be feeling walking back to the chapel. I kneel to do penance and all is well.

Tuesday:

Anticipation. That’s it.

Wednesday:

Today begins the challenge. Today begins the journey. It is time to put my destiny into motion. I have lost track of who I am. I have gotten caught up in the material things. Caught up in caring about what others think of me. Lent is my time to figure it all out again. Why do I feel like it’s game day? I feel pumped, ready, prepared and excited for what is to come. The next 40 days are a mystery. A mystery that usually would fill me with anxiety, but not this time. I only feel excitement.

It is 11:30 and I am on my way up to mass. Mass does not start until 12:10, but early bird gets the worm, right? I thought I would be one of the only ones in the pews as I was so early, but to my surprise, there were already about 30 people praying. Wow, made my heart happy. I was saving seats for JJ and Mason when Brooklyn and Jacob walked up. I invited them to sit with us right before the boys showed up. I don’t know what it was, but I felt so much love in that moment. Continuing to think about it, I used to believe that I was alone. Oh how wrong I was. I was actually just scared. Scared of asking for help. Scared of admitting I was falling out of routine. So, friends, if you’re reading this, thank you for showing me I am not alone.

Five minutes before mass is to start and the pews are as full as we can allow. Yes, we are in the middle of a pandemic. And yes there are people flowing on the sides of the pews, filling the chapel in the basement. Seeing everyone doing everything they can to get as close to Jesus as possible. This. This is love. This is Lent.

Thursday - Sunday:

My Lenten promise consists of fulfilling my mind, body and spirit. For mind, my goal is to read more. I am currently reading a book by Max Lucado called Anxious for Nothing: Finding Calm in a Chaotic World. It is a beautiful reflection about how anxiety doesn’t have to control your life. For body, to put it simply, I am watching how much I eat. Making sure I’m not eating junk just because I am bored, and focusing on portion control. For spirit, I am attending one extra mass a week and sending one affirmation text a day. Last Lent I wrote a letter for someone each day and wanted to continue that in some manner.

Although this seems like a lot… who am I kidding, yeah it’s a lot. But it’s a challenge. Isn’t Lent supposed to be challenging? I’m telling you, it’s like game day.

Here is the challenge:

The first week of Lent you are feeling great, right? You are on top of your Lenten promise. You aren’t eating meat on Friday. You are confident that you are going to grow this Lent. But to me, this is all just a mindset so far. You have all this lead up to Lent, talking about all the things you may give up or try to add to your daily life. This is all talk. The challenge is actually doing it. The challenge is taking out time in your day to read that book. The challenge is accepting the stares you get when you order fish instead of that steak on Friday. The challenge is getting out of bed when you said you would. The challenge is tomorrow. And the next day. And the next day.

So don’t take breaks. There are no off days. You made a promise to yourself and to Christ. See the challenge, accept the challenge, and don’t let the challenge break you. You are going to achieve this. Achieve growth. Achieve a closer relationship to God. Learn more about yourself. Gain a greater respect for your peers who work on their own promises.